Autism in girls often flies under the radar. Unlike boys, who may show more obvious signs of being neurodivergent, girls tend to be better at “masking” their struggles by mimicking social behaviors to fit in.
This kind of masking can lead to late diagnosis or even a complete misunderstanding of an autistic child’s needs. They might even spend most of their life not knowing their own self.
If you’ve ever felt like something was different about your daughter but couldn’t quite pinpoint what, let’s talk about it.
What is Autism Masking?
Masking, or camouflaging, is the act of hiding and suppressing one’s true personality, behavior, or feelings. Autism masking is when undiagnosed people with autism try to pass as neurotypical people.
Masking can be intentional, but most of the time, especially in children, it’s completely unintentional. They don’t do it consciously but can learn to mask better by mirroring and observing “normal” behaviors of people in real life.
Autism masking includes:
- Copying others’ emotions and facial expressions.
- Learning to talk like other people.
- Forcing self to make and maintain eye contact.
- Planning hours or even days ahead about what to say in social situations.
- Copying someone else’s dressing style and appearance.
- Not sharing actual interests with others or forcing oneself to give up “weird” hobbies.
- Shutting down or hiding when asked about personal interests.
Autistic people mask because they don’t want to appear strange or quirky, receive negative attention, or feel like the odd one out.
Why Autism in Girls is Often Missed
Most research on autism has been based on boys. As a result, many diagnostic criteria only capture what autism looks like in boys, not how girls experience it.
Girls may not display the same repetitive behaviors or social struggles that are common in boys with autism. There are also differences in their brain structures to prove this. This makes it harder for parents and even professionals to recognize the signs and symptoms of autism in girls.
Girls are also more likely to feel pressured to blend in. They are good at controlling their behaviors and fake interests socially, which is why they’re often misdiagnosed or diagnosed with autism far later than boys.
Subtle Social Challenges
Girls with autism might seem social, but their interactions are often scripted. They may memorize phrases, mimic behaviors that are considered normal, or force themselves into social situations to avoid standing out.
You might notice them adjusting and altering their tones, repeating phrases they’ve learned, copying body language that may come off as inappropriate, or avoiding conversations altogether.
This can be exhausting for them and lead to social burnout.
Special “Typical” Interests
Autistic girls can often have deep, intense interests. But unlike stereotypical niches, like an interest in dinosaurs, their interests might align more with socially acceptable topics, like books or fictional characters.
Meanwhile, autistic boys have more focused interests that may not seem neurotypical. They also tend to get overly attached to objects or things that they like, which is not commonly seen in girls with autism.
As a result, girls’ hyper fixations are harder to distinguish from regular hobbies. It’s best to consult autism parenting guides for a better understanding of autism, the common signs to look for, and how to identify meltdowns.
Hidden Sensory Sensitivities
Many autistic girls experience extreme discomfort with certain textures, sounds, and lights, just like boys do, but they may suppress their reactions to avoid attention.
Instead of outright avoiding stimuli, they might push through and later experience meltdowns in private.
They will try to tolerate sensory experiences in public, hide their aversions, and downplay their own discomfort. But you might be able to notice subtle reactions like flinching and using distractions like headphones with music to avoid showing their discomfort.
Impact of Masking
Girls are known to be especially skilled at masking, even when it comes to autism. They may study social norms intensely, copy body language, and rehearse conversations.
But all of this comes at a cost. It contributes to anxiety, exhaustion, and identity struggles growing up.
As a child, masking excessively can lead to more intense or more frequent meltdowns, mental health problems, low self-esteem, and general disconnection. When they continue to suppress their natural way of thinking, it becomes harder for them to navigate problems in real life.
As they grow up, people around them (or even their own selves) may not believe they are autistic, meaning they get little to no support. If the diagnosis never happens, there may be misunderstandings and other negative assumptions about them.
In the long term, undiagnosed autistic girls have problems with building and maintaining relationships, too. Due to their flawed sense of self-worth and suppressed personality, they might even have strained relationships with their parents.
Emotional Toll of Late Diagnosis
Without proper understanding and support, undiagnosed autistic girls often struggle with self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
Many of them report feeling “different” without knowing why, leading to more depression and isolation.
Therapy for autism works better with early diagnosis, so a late diagnosis also affects the way a child’s foundational skills are developed. They might not learn how to handle communication problems, their own emotions, and social situations.
Undiagnosed autistic people who are used to masking spend their entire lives trying to learn and understand social norms but never really know how to adapt. So, they end up spending their adult life feeling isolated from others.
And when they finally do get diagnosed, the stigma and negative personal views associated with not being “normal” may hinder them from seeking support and help.
How Parents Can Support
Understand that your child is most likely not masking on purpose. Maybe she wants to make more friends, not get bullied at school, or is afraid of getting punished. So, she tries to be “normal.”
What you can do if you suspect autism masking in your child is to create a safe space where she doesn’t feel pressured to mask.
Take some time each day to read and understand more about masking and autism in general. Advocate for proper assessment, even if teachers and doctors dismiss your concerns. Encourage self-acceptance and celebrate their unique way of seeing the world.
Understanding autism in girls is the first step in providing the support they need.
If you’re second-guessing yourself, trust your instincts. Your child deserves to be seen for who they are.
