Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental condition. The sad reality is that it doesn’t only affect the person suffering from it—it also affects those close to them. The intense emotions. Fear of abandonment. Impulsive reactions. All of these are symptoms of BPD, and they can shake up even the strongest of bonds. If you or someone you care about suffers from this condition, chances are you are already aware of the negative impact of borderline personality disorder on relationships. After all, you’re living through it all.
However, that’s not to say these relationships are irreparable. Ways to manage BPD and mend its impact on personal connections exist, and they can make a real difference in building healthier, more stable bonds.
Borderline Personality Disorder: Definition
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects how you see yourself and how you connect with others.
This disorder affects about 5.9% of the population. It’s more commonly diagnosed in women, but it’s important to remember that anyone can have BPD, regardless of gender.
If you have BPD, you might feel like you’re always on shaky ground, with emotions that swing from one extreme to another. One moment, everything seems fine; the next, you’re overwhelmed by anger, sadness, or fear.
A big part of BPD is the fear of being abandoned. This feeling can be so intense that it leads to actions you might not fully understand—like pushing people away when you’re afraid they might leave you. These reactions are confusing for you AND the people who care about you.
BPD is often misunderstood, which means getting the right kind of help and support can be incredibly hard. To make things worse, approximately 10% of individuals affected by this condition end up committing suicide.
The Adverse Impact of Borderline Personality Disorder on Relationships
The impact of borderline personality disorder on relationships is real and results in:
Caption: Group therapy can help you understand BPD and deal with it better.
Alt. text: Two men consoling a man in therapy who’s feeling sad because of the negative impact of borderline personality disorder on relationships.
- The constant push-and-pull dynamics cause emotional exhaustion. The nature of BPD is such that you may want to cling tightly to someone one moment but then push them away the next out of fear that they’ll leave you first.
- Impulsivity can lead to actions that introduce instability to relationships.
- Erosion of trust due to frequent accusations or suspicions stemming from emotions and fears that come with the condition.
- Black-and-white thinking (splitting) that leaves no room for the middle ground. To a person with BPD, someone may be their favorite person in the world today, and tomorrow, they may feel like they’ve completely let them down.
- Social isolation is a product of witnessing loved ones’ inability to cope with the highs and lows caused by the condition and thinking others will react the same.
How to Manage the Impact of Borderline Personality Disorder on Relationships
Just because borderline personality disorder puts a strain on relationships doesn’t mean all hope is lost. Certain strategies can help those affected and their loved ones cope with the condition successfully.
Get Professional Help—Together
Therapy has shown promising results in treating borderline personality disorder. Effective treatment focuses on teaching individuals the skills to manage emotions, reduce self-destructive behaviors, and improve relationships. Various therapeutic approaches can be tailored to meet the specific needs of those with borderline personality disorder, providing them with the tools to lead healthier and more stable lives.
However, if you are on the other side of BPD, attending group therapy sessions (or family therapy) could also prove beneficial. Doing so allows you to understand BPD better and learn how to communicate with those suffering from it. It also provides a space to express your feelings and frustrations in a constructive way.
Practice Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation
If you are the one with borderline personality disorder, mindfulness can be of great help.
Mindfulness involves practicing:
- deep breathing,
- meditation,
- yoga,
- and grounding exercises.
These can help you stay centered and reduce the intensity of emotional reactions.
Practicing mindfulness alone is helpful. However, practicing it with someone who cares for you strengthens your bond by helping you both stay grounded.
Improve Communication Skills
Poor communication leads to misunderstandings and conflicts and is blamed for most strained relationships. So, you must work on expressing your thoughts and feelings correctly.
Caption: Practice mindfulness in pairs to mitigate the negative impact of borderline personality disorder on relationships.
Alt. text: A woman meditating.
Try to communicate your needs and feelings as openly and honestly as possible, but also be mindful of how you express them.
Using “I” statements can help you convey your emotions without sounding accusatory (e.g., “I feel hurt when…“).
If you want to help someone with BPD, on the other hand, listen to them and show them you understand their worries. Yes, even if you don’t understand them. Avoid reacting defensively or dismissively. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and try to have an open, non-confrontational discussion.
Respect and Communicate Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries can prevent relationships from becoming too overwhelming or one-sided and must be set when BPD is involved.
Respecting other people’s boundaries is hard for those suffering from borderline personality disorder, but you need to understand everyone needs space at times. And no, occasionally wanting some “me” time doesn’t mean they’ll abandon you.
For the other party, pay special attention to how you communicate these boundaries. Don’t beat around the bush. Instead, communicate them clearly and gently but firmly.
Develop a Crisis Management Plan
The strong emotions that come with BPD make it crucial to have ways to cope when things get too intense. These methods can help stop the situation from escalating to the point of no return.
- For the person with BPD: Figure out what sets off the intense emotions and make a plan to handle them. That might include walking, working out, journaling, or contacting a friend or therapist.
- For loved ones: Be aware of the person’s triggers and have a plan to support them during a crisis. That could involve gently encouraging them to use their coping strategies or offering to talk things through with them when they are ready.
Nurture Relationships Despite BPD
Yes, the impact of borderline personality disorder on relationships is as real as ever. But it’s up to you to stop it from defining your bonds with others. With dedication, patience, and intentional efforts—like improving communication, respecting boundaries, and seeking mutual support—even the most strained relationships can evolve into something strong and enduring.
Sources:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6266914/
